i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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