So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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