Umm I'm too high to move.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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