so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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