At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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