last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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