so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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