I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize