when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need a beard to bite.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
