mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
