It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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