god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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