he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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