she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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