So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
