saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize