Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
