We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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