you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize