Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize