So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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