Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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