My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize