haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Come on in and take your pants off
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