i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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