Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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