I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
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So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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