mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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