who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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