What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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