If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
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It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
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Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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