No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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