My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize