I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I supernannyed him into submission
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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