dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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