Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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