I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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