Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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