I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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