Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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