never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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