wrigley field is MILF paradise
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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