Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize