My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize