I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize