It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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