I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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