This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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