This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
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i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i now understand why vodka
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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