just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Less talking, more tequila
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize