I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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