I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dick very happy bro
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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