if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize